A one-act play

Patrick: You know, if I have a notebook, I never have a place to store it.
Mitch: Don’t know what to tell you man.
Patrick:…because if I put it in my front shirt pocket, it makes my nipple hurt.
Mitch: I don’t think you’re supposed to use it.
Patrick: My nipple?!
Mitch: No, the shirt pocket.
Patrick: Oh….

So you know how stupid people make a big fuss about the “secularization of Christmas”? Apparently “Happy Holidays” is not a nice enough greeting — we must constantly remind the person we are saying it to that it is, in fact, the time of the year we celebrate Christmas. Never mind that scholars date Jesus’ birth way outside the “Christmas Season”.

Well, we have that whole can of worms and I suggest we turn this can of worms into a double-wide.

You know what steams me up? When people call that greatest holiday of them all, Independence Day, The 4th of July. Have we forgotten the meaning of this day? Pretty soon our kids won’t even know what we’re celebrating! Pretty soon the world will have no recollection of rich drunk white men that didn’t like paying taxes!

I say we call up Bill O’Reilly and make a big stink about this. I think we can make quite a controversy out of this. You heard it here first.